When I was ten, I had an English lesson on comparative words at school – words like ‘more’, ‘better’, and ‘best’. I remember sitting at my desk and wondering what I was ‘the best at’. I went home that day and asked my mum if I could ever claim such a title. She replied that there are billions of people in the world which makes it both impossible to measure and to achieve. She said all any of us can do is try our best. It didn’t stop me dreaming of becoming the best singer there ever was, but I respected her words and tried to remember them.
Not so easy when you’re an adult. Societal pressure to consistently meet certain standards and tick particular boxes by arbitrary deadlines can make everything feel like a perpetual competition.
We’ve all fallen victim to a comparative mentality, particularly of late, given the staggering rise of social media. Looked in the mirror and resented our reflection. Felt a pang of jealousy when a colleague gets promoted above us. Cursed what we have or what we are because it would appear someone else’s life is an overall better success story.
But, as hard as it might be to break the habit, I’m going to tell you why comparing yourself to others is not only futile, but illogical and damaging to your self-esteem.
You have plenty to offer
It may be a cliche, but everyone – I repeat, everyone – has positive attributes that enrich their peers’ lives and the environment around them. And often the way those attributes are exhibited is unique to every individual. You’re not just funny: you have your own brand of humour that cannot be found in anyone else. You’re not just kind: you offer a certain type of comfort your friends can only find in you. You cannot ever be replaced. Now let’s see that main character energy.
Psst! They’re jealous of you, too!
The irony of all this is that while you’re busy envying the next person’s cheekbones or organizational skills, they’re envying your stunning smile or intelligence. You’re putting someone who isn’t perfect, who has insecurities just like you, who is human just like you, on a pedestal, for what? You assume life would be better in their shoes, but then you wouldn’t get to utilize the qualities you possess that they don’t! And despite advancements in AI we can’t combine all the qualities to create a new race of unstoppable superhumans just yet. Which is fortunate really… life would be pretty dull if that were the case as we’d all be the same!
Isn’t competition healthy? I want to be successful
You’re right on the money with this one. The only way to maximize one’s potential is to strive towards goals and not get complacent. And – hear me out – comparison is actually a good thing. But a far less damaging and much more productive alternative to comparing yourself to others is to compare yourself to… yourself! While comparing with others might show where you’re falling short and in turn give you motivation, you’ll ultimately feel discouraged, as someone will inevitably end up at the bottom. The yardstick should measure your progress from when you first started to where you are now. As Ernest Hemingway said: ‘There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow men. True nobility lies in being superior to your former self.’ This is what you have the most control over, this is what you are the expert on, and this is what yields positive findings.
Perfection is an illusion
Let’s not forget, we actually have no idea what’s going on behind the scenes in other people’s realities; the wall of smiles on their Instagram is nothing but a collage of highlights. They have their own unique set of circumstances that involve privileges whether they’re economic, social, genetic, that we’ll never be privy to because all we see is the achievement itself. It’s better for your both your development and wellbeing to focus only on your truth, rather than letting theirs steal your joy.
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